iki karepku, hasratku

semua ada harganya…
percaya gak? kayaknya terpaksa harus percaya, kepalaku aja ada harganya…
mungkin gak dibayar pake uang..tapi pake yang lainnya yang ada harganya juga..

anak ada harganya…jangan liat nominal kalo yang ini, inget gak pada saat harus nel;en ludah yg udah di buang…cuma demi anak…mahal mahal mahal banget..tapi setimpal dengan harga itu anak sendiri..kalo bisa ditebus pake kepalaku ya aku bayarin juga…bukan satu tapi tiga..sayang palaku cuma satu…itu juga masih kelewat murah…katanya…

kerja ada harganya…ya itu harganya sebesar gaji yang diterima tiap bulan…gila!!
kadang kerasa murah banget gak sih tenaga, pikiran, usaha, keringet, muka dll…murah lah kalo kerjaan lain..side job yang cuma di kerjain sejam dua jam atau sehari dua, seminggu deh..harganya bisa separoh, 2x, 3x, 4x gaji sebulan kerja tetap…tuh kan semua ada harganya…

ngerti gak?
gak kan? ya gak masalah..

yang jelas semua ada harga yang harus dibayar, entah di muka, di tengah, entah di belakang hari…bisa juga dicicl bulanan, tapi harga harus dibayar…dan kadang MAHAL…kalo kita yang bayar..kalo dibayarin..kadang gak nutup alias keseringan rugi…iya gak????

gak ngerti lagi kan??
ya gak masalah…yang penting keluar dulu deh muntahnya…biasanya kalo udah gitu mualnya ilang…muntah aja bayar juga…

kenapa love…
kenapa pleasure…
kenapa marriage…
kenapa children….
kenapa juga?

kayaknya semua perempuan waras…yang aku kenal.. semua pengen punya yang disebut di atas..cinta, hasrat, kesenangan, perkawinan, keturunan… yang gak waras juga pengen sih..tapi tidak berurutan seperti itu…

cinta…
siapa coba yang gak kepengen punya rasa yang indah ini…
indah? yakin cinta itu indah?
tergantung sih..cinta bisa indah, bisa sakit, bisa datar, bisa cuma seru-serunya aja..(oops ini bukan cinta kali ya..nyampur kali sama nafsu)
tapi gak ada satu manusia pun yang pengen idup tanpa cinta..
ada yang lebih ‘luar biasa’ cinta itu masukin kedalam kategori ‘Tuhan’ seperti Rumi..cinta cintanya hanya berhasrat pada Tuhan-nya, yang kayak gimana? ya cuma Rumi yang tau..kalo kita cuma bisa ynontek aja dan pengen dikit dikit nyamain ‘pengalaman’-nya si Rumi..indah memang pada saat kita bisa ‘bercinta’ dengan Tuhan..

trus..

oh iya pleasure…
hmmm ini tergantunglah dari sudut mana mau ngeliatnya..
mau dari sudut ‘daging’ bisa,
dari sudut ‘Tuhan’ bisa,
sudut yg aneh aneh pun bisa (aneh aneh tuh biasanya daging ya?)…tapi ya gitu lagi, setiap orang merasakannya secara pribadi..yang lain cuma bisa membayangkan saja apa yang dirasa yang lain…

marriage…
hahahhaha apa coba yang bisa aku bagi tentang yang ini…gagal aja dua kali..mana bisa jadi expert..atau kebalikannya karena banyak gagal menjadi expert?
marriage sepertinya menjadi goal semua orang…dari daging ya dari Tuhan..
persatuan yang seharusnya begitu indah bisa jadi ‘berantakan’ karena salah interpretasi…sama kalau kita salah ngerti pasangan ya ancur..apalagi kita salah ngerti Tuhan..yg jelas jangan pernah bilang pasangan kita salah ngerti kita..soalanya kalo di jalan ‘Tuhan’ gak kena..orang lain ya orang lain…kita ya kita..TUHAN ya Maha Segalanya..lewat dari batas manusia lah..yang ini gak usah terlalu dipikirin..susah..dirasa aja…heheheh

children….
oh…what can i say..they are the apples of my eyes…
can live without them…
yang ini ahrus di rasa dijalanin…dijalanin dijalanin…tapi inget…bukan milik….
Dimitri, Michelle, Latifa…I love you so so so much…

On Marriage

Then Almitra spoke again and said, “And what of Marriage, master?”

And he answered saying:

You were born together, and together you shall be forevermore.

You shall be together when white wings of death scatter your days.

Aye, you shall be together even in the silent memory of God.

But let there be spaces in your togetherness,

And let the winds of the heavens dance between you.

Love one another but make not a bond of love:

Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.

Fill each other’s cup but drink not from one cup.

Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf.

Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone,

Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music.

Give your hearts, but not into each other’s keeping.

For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts.

And stand together, yet not too near together:

For the pillars of the temple stand apart,

And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other’s shadow.

On Pleasure

Then a hermit, who visited the city once a year, came forth and said, “Speak to us of Pleasure.”

And he answered, saying:

Pleasure is a freedom song,

But it is not freedom.

It is the blossoming of your desires,

But it is not their fruit.

It is a depth calling unto a height,

But it is not the deep nor the high.

It is the caged taking wing,

But it is not space encompassed.

Ay, in very truth, pleasure is a freedom-song.

And I fain would have you sing it with fullness of heart; yet I would not have you lose your hearts in the singing.

Some of your youth seek pleasure as if it were all, and they are judged and rebuked.

I would not judge nor rebuke them. I would have them seek.

For they shall find pleasure, but not her alone:

Seven are her sisters, and the least of them is more beautiful than pleasure.

Have you not heard of the man who was digging in the earth for roots and found a treasure?

And some of your elders remember pleasures with regret like wrongs committed in drunkenness.

But regret is the beclouding of the mind and not its chastisement.

They should remember their pleasures with gratitude, as they would the harvest of a summer.

Yet if it comforts them to regret, let them be comforted.

And there are among you those who are neither young to seek nor old to remember;

And in their fear of seeking and remembering they shun all pleasures, lest they neglect the spirit or offend against it.

But even in their foregoing is their pleasure.

And thus they too find a treasure though they dig for roots with quivering hands.

But tell me, who is he that can offend the spirit?

Shall the nightingale offend the stillness of the night, or the firefly the stars?

And shall your flame or your smoke burden the wind?

Think you the spirit is a still pool which you can trouble with a staff?

Oftentimes in denying yourself pleasure you do but store the desire in the recesses of your being.

Who knows but that which seems omitted today, waits for tomorrow?

Even your body knows its heritage and its rightful need and will not be deceived.

And your body is the harp of your soul,

And it is yours to bring forth sweet music from it or confused sounds.

And now you ask in your heart, “How shall we distinguish that which is good in pleasure from that which is not good?”

Go to your fields and your gardens, and you shall learn that it is the pleasure of the bee to gather honey of the flower,

But it is also the pleasure of the flower to yield its honey to the bee.

For to the bee a flower is a fountain of life,

And to the flower a bee is a messenger of love,

And to both, bee and flower, the giving and the receiving of pleasure is a need and an ecstasy.

People of Orphalese, be in your pleasures like the flowers and the bees.

And a woman who held a babe against her bosom said, “Speak to us of Children.”

And he said:

Your children are not your children.

They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself.

They come through you but not from you,

And though they are with you, yet they belong not to you.

You may give them your love but not your thoughts.

For they have their own thoughts.

You may house their bodies but not their souls,

For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.

You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you.

For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.

You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth.

The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite, and He bends you with His might that His arrows may go swift and far.

Let your bending in the archer’s hand be for gladness;

For even as He loves the arrow that flies, so He loves also the bow that is stable.

On Love

Then said Almitra, “Speak to us of Love.”

And he raised his head and looked upon the people, and there fell a stillness upon them. And with a great voice he said:

When love beckons to you follow him,

Though his ways are hard and steep.

And when his wings enfold you yield to him,

Though the sword hidden among his pinions may wound you.

And when he speaks to you believe in him,

Though his voice may shatter your dreams as the north wind lays waste the garden.

For even as love crowns you so shall he crucify you. Even as he is for your growth so is he for your pruning.

Even as he ascends to your height and caresses your tenderest branches that quiver in the sun,

So shall he descend to your roots and shake them in their clinging to the earth.

Like sheaves of corn he gathers you unto himself.

He threshes you to make you naked.

He sifts you to free you from your husks.

He grinds you to whiteness.

He kneads you until you are pliant;

And then he assigns you to his sacred fire, that you may become sacred bread for God’s sacred feast.

All these things shall love do unto you that you may know the secrets of your heart, and in that knowledge become a fragment of Life’s heart.

But if in your fear you would seek only love’s peace and love’s pleasure,

Then it is better for you that you cover your nakedness and pass out of love’s threshing-floor,

Into the seasonless world where you shall laugh, but not all of your laughter, and weep, but not all of your tears.

Love gives naught but itself and takes naught but from itself.

Love possesses not nor would it be possessed;

For love is sufficient unto love.

When you love you should not say, “God is in my heart,” but rather, I am in the heart of God.”

And think not you can direct the course of love, for love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.

Love has no other desire but to fulfil itself.

But if you love and must needs have desires, let these be your desires:

To melt and be like a running brook that sings its melody to the night.

To know the pain of too much tenderness.

To be wounded by your own understanding of love;

And to bleed willingly and joyfully.

To wake at dawn with a winged heart and give thanks for another day of loving;

To rest at the noon hour and meditate love’s ecstasy;

To return home at eventide with gratitude;

And then to sleep with a prayer for the beloved in your heart and a song of praise upon your lips.

At every instant and from every side, resounds the call of Love:
We are going to sky, who wants to come with us?
We have gone to heaven, we have been the friends of the angels,
And now we will go back there, for there is our country.
We are higher than heaven, more noble than the angels:
Why not go beyond them? Our goal is the Supreme Majesty.
What has the fine pearl to do with the world of dust?
Why have you come down here? Take your baggage back. What is this place?
Luck is with us, to us is the sacrifice!…
Like the birds of the sea, men come from the ocean–the ocean of the soul.
Like the birds of the sea, men come from the ocean–the ocean of the soul.
How could this bird, born from that sea, make his dwelling here?
No, we are the pearls from the bosom of the sea, it is there that we dwell:
Otherwise how could the wave succeed to the wave that comes from the soul?
The wave named ‘Am I not your Lord’ has come, it has broken the vessel of the body;
And when the vessel is broken, the vision comes back, and the union with Him.

Where are you, my beloved? Are you in that little
Paradise, watering the flowers who look upon you
As infants look upon the breast of their mothers?

Or are you in your chamber where the shrine of
Virtue has been placed in your honor, and upon
Which you offer my heart and soul as sacrifice?

Or amongst the books, seeking human knowledge,
While you are replete with heavenly wisdom?

Oh companion of my soul, where are you? Are you
Praying in the temple? Or calling Nature in the
Field, haven of your dreams?

Are you in the huts of the poor, consoling the
Broken-hearted with the sweetness of your soul, and
Filling their hands with your bounty?

You are God’s spirit everywhere;
You are stronger than the ages.

Do you have memory of the day we met, when the halo of
You spirit surrounded us, and the Angels of Love
Floated about, singing the praise of the soul’s deed?

Do you recollect our sitting in the shade of the
Branches, sheltering ourselves from Humanity, as the ribs
Protect the divine secret of the heart from injury?

Remember you the trails and forest we walked, with hands
Joined, and our heads leaning against each other, as if
We were hiding ourselves within ourselves?

Recall you the hour I bade you farewell,
And the Maritime kiss you placed on my lips?
That kiss taught me that joining of lips in Love
Reveals heavenly secrets which the tongue cannot utter!

That kiss was introduction to a great sigh,
Like the Almighty’s breath that turned earth into man.

That sigh led my way into the spiritual world,
Announcing the glory of my soul; and there
It shall perpetuate until again we meet.

I remember when you kissed me and kissed me,
With tears coursing your cheeks, and you said,
“Earthly bodies must often separate for earthly purpose,
And must live apart impelled by worldly intent.

“But the spirit remains joined safely in the hands of
Love, until death arrives and takes joined souls to God.

“Go, my beloved; Love has chosen you her delegate;
Over her, for she is Beauty who offers to her follower
The cup of the sweetness of life.
As for my own empty arms, your love shall remain my
Comforting groom; you memory, my Eternal wedding.”

Where are you now, my other self? Are you awake in
The silence of the night? Let the clean breeze convey
To you my heart’s every beat and affection.

Are you fondling my face in your memory? That image
Is no longer my own, for Sorrow has dropped his
Shadow on my happy countenance of the past.

Sobs have withered my eyes which reflected your beauty
And dried my lips which you sweetened with kisses.

Where are you, my beloved? Do you hear my weeping
From beyond the ocean? Do you understand my need?
Do you know the greatness of my patience?

Is there any spirit in the air capable of conveying
To you the breath of this dying youth? Is there any
Secret communication between angels that will carry to
You my complaint?

Where are you, my beautiful star? The obscurity of life
Has cast me upon its bosom; sorrow has conquered me.

Sail your smile into the air; it will reach and enliven me!
Breathe your fragrance into the air; it will sustain me!

Where are you, me beloved?
Oh, how great is Love!
And how little am I!

Khalil Gibran

gila..tiba-tiba ada rasa cemburu yang gak jelas datengnya dari mana…
bukan cuma itu aja..langsung gak bisa tidur, payah..
berarti hari ini gak lulus ujian kontrol emosi dan kontrol rasa
kalo cuma sekedar rasa dibiarin mengalir kayak air…wah bisa cari perkara panjang lagi..
tetep aja gak lulus hari ini!!!
kalo gak ngerti ya gak masalah